I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
