if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
