do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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