i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
