I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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