I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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