The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Damn victory sex feels great
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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