fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
