I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
