you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
