Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
