...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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