3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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