How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
