I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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