and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
