i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
