she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
