This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
