I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I touched a dick in church today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
