My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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