You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
