No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
