LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His nipple licking is glorious
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