Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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