Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
