Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
