He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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