the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
