I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
