I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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