She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
