the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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