Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
