I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
