whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
