please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
