What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
