I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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