I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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