Taylor Swift is so right about you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
