Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
