we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
