why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
