Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
