Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
