I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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