So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
