yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
