u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
