Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
